Do you want great energy between you and your partner? Then, let’s discuss an easy way to get it. I’m talking about how you communicate with body language, behavior, and words. First, let me set the stage…have you ever started telling someone about your day and notice they are checking their emails on their phone while you talk? Or, they begin picking at their fingernails and never make eye contact? How did you feel in that moment? Did you feel heard? Did you feel understood? Can you remember talking to your parents, when you were a child, and hearing them reply, “Uh-huh,” and you understood they were not listening to a word you said? Now, consider how you respond to your significant other when they reach out with a request. Do you respond as someone interested in what they have to say?
How you respond to your partner’s requests, and how your partner responds to yours, determines the energy of the relationship. A request is simply asking for something. When you tell your partner about your day, your request may be they just listen and understand how your day affected you. When your partner asks you, “Where would you like to go for dinner tonight?”, they may be making a request for you to make the decision because they are so exhausted they don’t want to make another choice. Another request might be your partner coming up and giving you a hug. The request might be they want to express their love, or they may be asking for you to give them some love in that moment. If you respond positively to your partner, he or she will feel heard, valued, and loved. If you respond indifferently or negatively, your partner will most likely feel ignored, unimportant, and unappreciated. If you care for your partner, and want a healthy relationship, it’s important that you respond positively to your partner’s requests.
You may be wondering how you should best do this. Here are some steps you can follow:
Give your partner your attention. If you are reading or watching television, stop and look your partner in the eyes. Bring yourself into the moment and give your partner your undivided attention.
Pause and make a conscious choice on how to respond positively. The pause is to bring yourself into the moment and make sure you are not responding from an emotionally reactive place. Some requests from our partners can make us frustrated, annoyed, or angry. By pausing, and consciously responding, you can avoid reacting in a way you wish you hadn’t. You may not be willing to give your partner exactly what they need in that moment, but what can you give them? If they are wanting to talk and you know you need to get an email off to a client before you can focus on something else, then tell them, “I want to hear what you have to say, but I don’t feel like I can give you my undivided attention until I get this email sent. Can you wait 15 minutes while I do that, and then we can chat?”. Always ask yourself, “how can I respond in a way where my partner feels loved.” Note: if you find yourself getting negative emotions with most of your partner’s requests, it is probably time to seek help through a relationship coach or therapist.
To some, this may sound easy, but when you think about trying to respond positively with every request, it may not be so simple. It requires a desire to make your relationship, and your partner, a top priority. It also requires an ability to bring yourself into the moment. But, as with anything, these become MUCH easier with practice. You can even have a discussion with your partner about this article and make a pact to do this together. If you would like more help on any of these issues, or on making your relationship mind-blowingly incredible, click here to get more information.